Now before you call 911 to send help to my home, let me explain. In my last post, I said that Everyone Needs a Counselor. I finally called a counselor after deciding it was either that, or admit myself to the ER. I didn’t feel the need to hurt myself, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I literally felt crazy and didn’t know how to care for myself, much less my children. It was scary, to say the least.
However, something that my counselor told me on my first session actually scared me even more. She asked me if I was suicidal. I told her no, that I could never think about hurting myself . . . although, sometimes when the darkness seemed to envelope me, I would pray that I could fall asleep and never wake up. To my surprise, she told me that I was suicidal and diagnosed me with major depression. Thoughts about death, wishing you are somewhere else or thinking that everyone would be better off without you are all serious warning signs. Have you ever been driving down the road and secretly wished that a car would run into you? Have you ever pictured yourself in a pool no longer able to tread water? Talk to someone, whether it be a professional counselor, a church leader, a friend or family member. Talk about it with me, although I could never know exactly how you are feeling, I understand where you are coming from. Know that you are not alone, promise yourself that it will get better, because it will. I have come to realize that I won’t ever be cured, but I can learn to give myself grace, combat my negative self talk with positive affirmations, take better care of myself and ask for help when I need it.
The world was shocked in recent months as famous comedian and actor Robin Williams took his own life. The truth is that everyone has their own demons they are fighting. Everyones trials present themselves differently and no one, not even the rich and famous, are exempt from mental health issues. And before someone tries to tell me that suicide is selfish, I am going to ask them to be quiet. Anyone who feels it is an act of selfishness is lucky to have never been in that mental state. I have had many days where I truly and honestly believed that my children and husband would be healthier and happier without my sad and “crazy” self. But that is a lie. They care. Your family cares. Your co-workers, friends, mailman, neighbors, lady who calls you by name at the bank, they all care. I care. You are living for a purpose if you can just hold on long enough to find out what that is. In the meantime, ask for help.
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call the suicide prevention hotline at 1-800-273-TALK.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
- Statewide/Salt Lake County Crisis Line: 801-587-3000
- Utah County Crisis Line: 801-691-5433
- Wasatch Mental Health Crisis Line: 801-373-7393
- Trevor Project Hotline for LGBTQ teens: 1-866-488-7386
- NAMI Utah: namiut.org
- County Crisis Lines: https://www.namiut.org/families-caregivers/suicide-prevention
- Utah Chapter-American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: afsputah.com
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org